mom

There are some people that you never forget. They are people that have passion in their eyes, and fragility in their heart. They are those who are strong, yet gentle and warm inside. They love with no boundaries, and live for every other human being but themselves. For me, that person is my mother. When I look into her emerald green eyes I see more beauty than any of the wonders in the world. Her life is a testimony of a woman who has worn her heart on her sleeve, yet has still managed to keep it in tact after all the wounds it has received. And as I get ready to leave once again to go back to school, I ask myself why would I ever want to leave her presence? Even if she’s in another room I feel her warmth, inundate my entire body and making me feel at peace. Why would I ever want to be away from this beautiful woman? My quest for independence is now a hollow one without my mother near. Yet, I am beginning a new venture, the one of recounting the details and stories of this amazing woman. Where does a heart this pure come from? How has she come to exist? Well this I will attempt to unmask.

titles and such

What is friendship if not the eternal commitment to love another unconditionally? What are our friends if not the loves of our life, the apples of our eyes? Our true loves. Those that undeniably love us despite our countless imperfections, those that see the raw beauty hidden beneath the facades that we present to the world. Yet when the line between friendship and significant other becomes blurred with intense feelings of infatuation and affection which takes precedence? The unbreakable bond of a friendship or the growing potential of a new relationship. How is it possible that intimacy with our friends, those that we are already so close to, suddenly ruins the sacred pact of friendship? Once the ultimate form of intimacy is achieved, with the friends that are closest to us why does it make everything odd and unsettling? If these are our closest friends why can’t they be our lovers as well? I wonder, why is friendship not enough when it comes to the matters of the heart. The title, the rank, the status is needed to solidify the bond. We are taught that if the title isn’t present in the relationship, then the love doesn’t exist it’s obsolete. But if you already love your friends, why must that love be compartmentalized and compacted as if in a box, and kept there within the confines of the status of a boyfriend. Just to be able to say you are no longer single, to say you are taken and “in a relationship”. I have decided that from now on I will love freely without conforming to the pressures of society, to put a name to the relationship I have with someone I am intimate with. I will give my love away to how many or how few as I see fit. Because in the end, as I’m basking in the glory of my beauty and youth, why must I be tamed and forcefully try to fit myself in a relationship that will eventually end? Like everything else in life, that too shall come to pass. While I am nowhere near marriage, that monumental, immense, enormous commitment that I will someday make, why must I force myself into petty, little, micro marriages, because essentially that’s what having a boyfriend is. Acting like your married, reporting everything you do to another human being, restricting your actions and thoughts, having a new set of rules being imposed on you by someone else. It triggers an avalanche of negative emotions that the human heart wasn’t designed to experience; jealousy, anger, spite, bitterness, abuse. Why would I willingly succumb to that when I don’t even have the emotional capability or knowledge to deal with a taste of the married life. So is it expected of me, till I take the plunge and get married, to butcher my heart dealing with the incompetence and immaturity of the men I commit my love to? Why can’t I just love whoever I want to without restrictions? Love is a lifestyle, not a title or position. And if you already love someone, that in itself is it’s own special form of commitment, because you are committing to giving them a bit of your heart. Love is too big of a feeling to be trapped and suffocated behind the weak, small title of boyfriend or girlfriend.

Dreams

What’s a girl to do about her dreams? Those magnificent, life like pictures that flicker in our heads as we are deep in sleep. The distant combination of reality and fantasy that can leave us absolutely terrified or elated in happiness, wishing it never ended. But what about those dreams that don’t occur as we are fast asleep? Those dreams that you have created for yourself, those that contain every hope and desire you could ever imagine. Why do they have to remain dreams? What prevents them from trespassing the barriers of our mind and stepping across the threshold of reality? There is no reason dreams should stay fiction and never become fact. What are we supposed to do in life, other than chase our dreams? All our accomplishments should be fueled by the fire that burns in our minds, a perfect reflection of our heart’s true desire. Why do anything else in this short, fickle existence if it’s not what you have been dreaming of since as long as you can remember? I hate it when people censor their own dreams. In a dream anything goes, anything can happen. Yet people still refrain from dreaming. They refrain because they are afraid of disappointment, of unfulfilled dreams, yet what they fail to recognize is that they remain unfulfilled because they aren’t brave enough to consider them reality. It’s not enough to only dream, but when you dream with a conviction so strong, that that will be the one that indeed trespasses the barriers of your heart and soul and become reality, then you have discovered what the purpose of a dream is. Why would God create such a thing? Surely not to taunt us with what we can’t have. But to motivate us to long for whatever we desire. To yearn for absolute perfection. To long for that which seems distant and impossible, but really is only a dream away. Anything you want is only a dream away. Believe in your dreams with all your heart, they are there for a reason.

Friendship

What’s a girl to do about friendship? Friends are such a crucial part to our happiness. Friends are those who are witnesses to every emotion and feeling that you experience. They are there when your having the most fun, being free and careless and they are there when life seems to be crumbling into little pieces. What do you do when the friends that are the most imperative people in your life have suddenly become distant? What do you do when you’ve let pride and the desire to be “right” get in the way of this supernatural bond you’ve created with this person? You do everything in your power to make it right. Because real friends can be counted with one hand. Real friends have those qualities that your heart desires in another person, qualities that you lack. They are angels that will lift you up when you feel like falling. They’ve been ordained by God to look after you. So when problems present themselves, you must leave your pride behind and try to amend the situation. There is no room for pride in a friendship. Because friendship is so pure of a bond, there is no room for pride, greed, deceit, or selfishness to exist. For a girl, friends become sisters, they share your every thought, fear, and happiness. They bring you back to reality when your living in a fantasy, and they will always tell you the truth. Yet in the end, friendship is a risk, you take a risk when you give people an all access pass to your life. Sometimes risks, turn into regrets. But what’s important is to always make sure that you never become a risk. Never become a friend that because of past failed relationship, has turned into someone that is completely void of their capability of becoming a good friend. Friendship is a privilege. When someone has bestowed upon you the right to be a part of their life, then that is something to be treasured forever. Life isn’t always a fantasy, that’s why you need friendships that are real to be with you in the end.

Reality

What’s a girl to do about reality? You know, the difference between fantasy and what’s real, what’s actual. It’s hard to face reality when it can be cold and brutal. Yet who dictates what’s real to what’s fictional? I believe people have the distinct ability to create their own reality. TV has their own interpretation of reality, we are lured to take a glimpse into the so-called lives of people who are put into absolutely ludicrous situations. No one has the opportunity to have 20 bachelors vying for their love and affection. The point is your reality is what you create, what you believe to exist. Everyone says that I live in a fantasy world that is tailored to my every whim and desire. Yet who are they to tell me I can’t live my life the way I want to? My life just happens conform to my dreams and expectations because I believe with all my heart that I can get whatever I want, and you can too. You attract what you want to have. We are of the school of “ don’t get your hopes up”. Everytime something extraordinary happens there is someone right behind us holding up yellow caution tape, enclosing our happiness in a square, and telling us we aren’t allowed to pass because something horrible might happen. Yet we must learn how to tactfully rip the caution tape and walk right into the scene of the crime, or the scene of absolute perfection. I think the reason we are so afraid of wanting it all, is because it seems like such impossibility, such a fairy tale, so unrealistic. It’s only unrealistic if you believe it is. Make your life a bubble, that is impossible to burst.

Labels

What’s a girl to do? In a world full of people that hate the thought of being labeled, why is it we care so much about those we have yet to label? Why is it we put so much importance on the actions of someone that isn’t even ours? As girls, words, gestures, smiles, looks, can all translate into a whirl of emotions and feelings, they all translate into actions that make us become something to someone. They are currency for love. He puts his hand on yours, you fall harder and faster no matter who he is. Boyfriend or no boyfriend our hearts don’t discriminate when it comes to letting someone in. But the situation can be even more precarious when you have no label for that person. He is as much yours, as he is to the next girl that walks into the room. Even then, when labels do come to exist, a girl is never really certain of how solid the label is. Another person can just come and rip it off or the glue can dull and the edges can begin to curl up. So how do you live in a world full of label haters, you find security in yourself. Security in the fact, that those that don’t let you put a label on them are not worthy of one in the first place. Those who don’t open their hearts for you to come in and embrace them aren’t worthy of you doing the same. And those who are intelligent and strong enough to let you label them, should only do so with the security that you must also have, that you can trust that person to not take their label off so easily. Labels should be a scarce commodity. We don’t have an infinite supply, because our hearts can only handle so much. Our hearts can only handle healing itself so many times after a label has been taken off and discarded. So above all guard your heart, and guard your labels.

Expectations

What’s a girl to do? When a decision you thought was so right and invested so much hope and expectation, what happens when it doesn’t turn out to be what you hoped for? What you dreamed about for so long is nothing more than a decision you end up regretting every day. Expectations can sometimes be the root of all evil. What happens if your expectations never take off and become reality? What’s a girl to do then? You make it happen. You do whatever it is in your power to change what’s making you unhappy. I’ve experienced what it’s like to have an unfulfilled expectation, and I was left with no other choice than to act and change it. I had to pick up and move back home. Swallow a big batch of humble pie, and go back to where I belong. Every girl is different, and therefore has different needs to fulfill, if your current situation is just not cutting it, then you cut it out and get up and do something. Inactivity breeds unfulfilled dreams, goals that are left unattained, and empty hearts. Never let a situation make you become inactive. It’s the worse feeling ever. The saying, “what is meant to be will come to pass” is so true yet so false at the same time. Of course, destiny, the invisible hand in our life that magically leads the way will somehow just solve it for us, yet if we have any control over the situation, we must exercise that control to its full extent. We must do everything in our power to alter that situation as we best see fit. What’s the point of being in control if you don’t act upon it? Our hearts should always be in control of what takes place in our life. Sure we are always being told to think with a clear mind, but what’s the use of acting rationally when your heart is telling you otherwise. What’s the use of even having a heart if we don’t give it the importance it deserves in our life. Let your heart be in control.

Filters

What’s a girl to do? When we are constantly being told to say how we feel, what happens when what we feel is not what other people want to hear? We are always being told to say what we mean, and mean what we say, but what if what we say ends up being just plain mean? We can’t have a filter on our feelings, therefore should we have a filter when it comes to saying how we feel? If when we finally get the courage to say what’s really on our minds, what happens when it gets shot down? Should we just resign and hold our tongues, and never express what’s truly on our minds again? The answer is no. If others simply can not tolerate what you have to say, then they never really cared in the first place. If they can’t handle the uncensored version of your thoughts, then they can’t handle the uncensored version of you. The real you, with no frills or fuss, without all the excessive worry over being or saying the right thing, without all the strategically plotting of being the perfect girl. The girl he will fall for. It’s always best to say what’s on your mind, holding back only bottles up emotions that need to be expressed. I believe emotions are a form of expression, our personalities are canvases just waiting to be displayed to the world. To some people these canvases can display beautiful creations, for others the artwork might be blurred by ugly colors or weird splotches of paint. In the end, there is always a price to pay for being completely blunt and honest and saying what’s on our mind, the question is are we willing to pay the cost. Are we willing to risk losing respect, pride, or more importantly a friend because we have the utter need to constantly express what’s on our mind? That answer is left up to you. In the end we can only be who we are and no one else. We are all beautiful canvases that have been painted with distinct colors and patterns, to some we are works of art, to others we may be nothing more than rubbish, but to a very special someone you will indeed be a masterpiece.